By Monica C. Voskamp
I’ve been getting lost, stuck by a mental brick wall. I’ve a project to work on yet I keep delaying for some reason. It’s like I’m frozen & can’t push to the next step. Don’t ask me why; I just feel stuck. And I’ve become focused on my “stuckness”, which has got me retracing into my past and various regrets I have.
I got some feedback from my lifecoach today and they pointed out my focus was on defeat. I feel defeated right now and by my past mistakes. I didn’t realize I had started to narrow my vision to defeats, but I had and it’s been taking me down.
My lifecoach encouraged me: if you’re going to look that closely at the past, if you’ve honed that skill, then look at what you did do right.
Good advice. I smile. I am an expert at regret, at detail, at seeing the past and recounting it till it drives me mad. So why not take the advice, and look at what I did do right? Why not remember what moments were incredible, what memories I wouldn’t change because they were beautiful even in times the rest of my life was not? That’s what I’m sitting down to do tonight…take some time, invest it wise, recount the ways I got it right & ways others brought me smiles.
I’m flipping through the files in my brain like my life coach suggested…to find the good memories and moments worth remembering that were there.
Here’s the first memory that came:
…I’m coming home from work and taking time to sit with my roommate and enjoying a meal together….This happened often. I think one time even a glass of wine; I savoured that one. I remember my roommate telling me to get out a plate and come enjoy whatever food she was eating. Sometimes I would barely get out of my coat, my legs were too tired, I’d just plop there on the barstool chair. We’d chat, share random tidbits of our lives. Laugh. Sometimes cry. And even though it was late, even though I had worked the day away, and was more than ready for bed, those moments and minutes of chatting with another human soul over some tasty eats, well those moments in time still bring a smile to me. My smile is paused right now here in those memories, and you know what? It feels incredibly good. It’s funny how simple moments like that, are the ones you look back at and the ones you see are laced with love.
It’s hopeful to me. I can look back and see there were good moments even in times I wasn’t getting it all right. Those happy moments are worth remembering & celebrating; they are key lights of hope during rough times.
How about you? If you flip back into a chapter of life that perhaps wasn’t the proudest in your life, what good was tucked in there? There has to be one memory. No matter how random it is, there has to be a memory or two of sunshine. I know there is. Because if you’re reading this, you’ve only got this far because you’ve HAD moments of hope woven in your life. Those moments, though seemingly small, are what have kept you going through the rough and regrets. Trace back to a good memory. Linger there. Let that feeling re-flood your soul.
You are reliving love and hope.
And that is a good way to end the day. Go to sleep with that goodness in your heart. ❤
© 2020 MONICA C. VOSKAMP