Poetry: Nightmare Trauma

*** Trigger warning ***

By Monica C. Voskamp

 

Frozen pillar of femininity,

Stuck in time

Stuck in a memory

Of evil haunting.

 

Broken spell,

Touch of love

Poison gushing

Woman melting

Gasping for air.

 

Years of pain hidden

Now over taking,

Wounded woman reliving,

Rape.

 

Gentle presence whispering

Holding her steady

As woman’s fragility

Shatters without warning.

 

Quiet presence listening

Screams releasing

Watching her nightmare

Resurface all over again.

 

Woman unfrozen

Woman broken

Woman reliving

Tragedy.

 

Nightmare trauma,

Cruel suffering

To live it not once

But all over again.

Always hope. Always believe. Always love. ❤

*Photo Credit: Photo by Jachan DeVol on Unsplash

Rape Poem: He took what was Mine.

By Monica C. Voskamp

shadows.jpg

It’s okay to get angry.  That’s an emotion. I’ve never been an angry person. I never really knew the emotion till only a few years ago. (And I’m 34!) I got angry. At everything.

It took a great injustice for me to unleash. Most days, my brother would have a smirk at my version of “angry” (I’m kinda like a miffed upset.) But 3 years ago, talking with my brother on the phone he was like: Okay Mon, I can see the smoke and flames from here (he was in another city), I think we’ll just talk tomorrow when things have calmed.

My brother brought up the word INJUSTICE recently.  I realized this is what it took to trigger my emotion of anger. It took me being stripped of my virginity.

It took: Sexual Assault. Rape.

For 30 years I remained a virgin. On purpose. I wanted to wait for the man I’d marry. I know old fashioned :),  but I was really committed on having sex only once I was married. And to enjoy with that one lucky amazing man. 🙂

BUT.

But…  (I could say a few colorful words to describe him)..but a perverted man messed that up. He took what was mine…and now that will never be. I can’t give a future man what’s been robbed already. It’s not okay. I never said he could. That sexual thief took what was *mine*.

HE TOOK WHAT WAS MINE.

By Monica C. Voskamp

He took what was Mine.

I told him the Lines.

He didn’t listen.

He played by his own rules.

I didn’t understand someone,

Could be so cruel.

 

He took what was Mine.

And had me petrified.

I didn’t know if my shaking legs

Were the feeling of unknown Ecstasy

Or chaotic Anxiety.

I tried to convince myself,

He wasn’t that cruel

To take what was Mine.

 

He took what was Mine.

He wasted no time,

To steal and penetrate

My inside.

He took the role

As the good guy,

When really he was

A walk down hell.

 

He took what was Mine.

And messed up my life.

I can’t get back what he took

And I’m mad as hell,

He got his way.

It wasn’t right.

It wasn’t justifiable.

To invade,

That sacred part of me.

 

He took what was Mine.

Does anybody get this?

Does anybody realize the pain,

The agony I still go through?

He took what was Mine,

And got to walk scotch free.

 

He took what was Mine,

And  I’ll never be the same.

I don’t know what love is,

Because he defined love

As raping me.

I don’t know how to trust again,

Because he violated,

Me.

 

He took what was Mine

And I’m afraid to say so.

I was the one shamed.

I was the one judged.

I hate I took the fall,

I hate I took the blame,

For his messed up mind.

 

He took what was Mine,

And I regret ever knowing

His name.

He took what was Mine,

And left me,

With Pain.

 

He took what was Mine,

And here in my shadows,

I hide.

I hide the monster of him,

I hide in fear of him.

I hide the torment in me.

But the dark cannot hide,

What I do not deny,

So I bring into the light,

God, the evilness in that man,

Took what was Mine.

~

I choose to believe. I choose to hope. I choose love will find me.  ❤