By Monica C. Voskamp
Let down one too many times
The hurt finds me
Plummeting
Living the cruel steady truth,
The law of gravity.
I can’t do this with you
I can’t keep falling
Off this beautiful cliff,
Only to fall
One more time.
Every time I leap
I think you’ll catch me
Think that somehow
We can both escape
The laws of gravity.
But instead,
Of course,
We fall.
We plummet
And shatter hard.
Down to the canyon floor
1000 and one miles below
There, we fall.
There, we are.
It’s difficult to find me
But I’m there in the dust
And I wonder when I get up
How many times it will take?
Will I climb the steep embankment
Only to throw myself off
-With you doing the same-
Once again,
Expect something different,
Is this what I’ll continue to do?
How many times will I
Hurt myself on purpose?
How long will it take
Of this plumenting
To redirect my course?
I’m getting tired of these
Do or die flights.
I’m tired of throwing myself
Off the edge.
In foolish faith
I’ve been believing
I’ll be finding
Something that is not.
When what I am finding
Over and over
Is constantly falling down,
Hurting my soul
And hurting yours.
Falling for you,
Falling with you
Doing this foolish diving
Again and again.
I’ve jumped.
I hope it’s the last.
I’m down here in the canyon
Watching the dust settle.
I look over,
See the fragments of you too.
It’s agony, wearing on both of us.
We now are rising,
Brushing dust off ourselves,
Piecing ourselves back together,
Knowing it’s time.
Finally starting
With some distance between
Eyes locking,
We are mutually stopping.
Suddenly feeling the effects
Of these heart breaking falls,
Our souls are finally speaking
Honest questioning:
Can we really do this to ourselves, again?
Will we really do this to ourselves, again?
Are we that blind?
Are we that naive?
To keep living
Foolish, stubborn behaviour of youth
Trying to fly as humans
Defying gravity?
Or is it time to acknowledge reality
Hug goodbye.
Stop holding close
What needs to
Go.
Say so long to
All this cliff jumping
Leave this chaotic free falling,
Romantic lying.
It’s too tiring,
I can’t keep up,
God knows, I’m getting old
But hopefully finally
Learning.
We both know the truth
Yet the ties of time between us
Run strong and have a stubborn hold.
The problem is while we
Are playing this delusional game,
The hands of time keep on turning.
The clock tells the truth:
You and me haven’t progressed
We’ve merely polished the practice
Of deceiving and believing.
You and me are still here at 9 o’clock
9 o’clock, not midnight.
We are always waiting for the magic
Yet always staying
Just shy of it.
And it’s killing me,
Slowly.
Don’t tell me,
It doesn’t hurt you too.
Bittersweet,
It aches my soul
To let something
So precious to me,
Finally, go.
But letting go
Is the right thing to do,
Of a hope that always eludes,
Of a hope that is actually meant to be
Set free.
We both know
The ironic truth:
We need to let go of
Something we don’t even hold.
Set free to the air.
Ride a different course.
Know we tried,
God, how we tried.
Know we will cry,
But know we can now take pride,
We have finally learned
What we need to.
Time to keep moving on
And not living lives
Running in circles.
It’s finally time
To honor the sacredness
Of the delicate sands
Passing quickly between us.
Let’s take a moment,
Slow down emotions,
Clear our cluttered minds
Finally be authentic
With our precious souls.
Please, let’s be good
To each other, to the future.
Let our hands clutch loose,
What our clenching hands
Haven’t wanted to
But so desperately need to.
Time to watch each other find
Walk the much needed path,
Free.
Imagine that
You and me,
Free.
Smile as you cry,
Smile imagining,
Free.
Go, dear friend.
Climb new mountains
Waiting for you.
I will too.
Go, dear friend
Set your feet on
Something solid
Something concrete
Something different.
Something new.
I will too.
Just promise me,
Promise me,
No more leaping
No more deceiving.
No more attempting
No more thinking
We can redefine,
Laws of gravity.
Promise me,
As I promise you,
I will respect, listen to
The voice of gravity.
Finally stop all this unnecessary trying
To redefine what’s permanently written
In the universe.
It’s futile effort,
Something we cannot change,
The laws of
Gravity.
Always hope. Always believe. Always love. ❤
Photo Credit: Photo by Alex Iby on Unsplash
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