Poetry: Bleeding Heart

By Monica C. Voskamp

Bleeding heart

Please stop for an instant.

I need to still breathe,

Yet you are tearing

Every bit of oxygen from me.

Bleeding heart

Please stop for a moment

It can’t be that bad

But you protest it can

As I feel currents of

Warmth stream down

My heated cheeks.

Bleeding heart

You may be alone tonight

You may be alone tomorrow

You may be alone yesterday

But bleeding heart

Still breathe.

Still breathe, please.

Breathe.

Know while you bleed

You are still loved.

You are still enough.

You haven’t lost your worth

Just because you bleed

An ocean red.

Bleeding heart,

You are not alone really

For many others have felt

This deep searing inner pain

Many others have been betrayed

Many others have been devastated

Many others have been soul crushed

Left struggling to go on.

Bleeding heart

Let hope meet you here

Right where you are as you are.

There’s no need to be ashamed,

You are still enough.

You are still loved.

You are still beautiful

Even with your river of tears

Even with your bleeding heart.

 © 2020 MONICA C. VOSKAMP

*Photo Credit: Photo by Casey Horner on Unsplash

Always hope. Always believe. Always love. ❤

Poetry: The Contention

By Monica C. Voskamp

You can’t erase

All that pain.

You can’t magically

Replace the hurt.

You can’t undo

Anything that is past.

You can’t.

And that you can’t

Makes you feel

Powerless.

Powerless, the power

You’ve known so well.

You can’t change

All that was done.

You can’t rewind

And recreate.

You can’t

And that is what

Tears your soul

Every day.

You can’t change

Every mistake

You can’t and

This is the battle which

You must contend:

You can’t.

When you realize you can’t,

When you realize this fact

Can be flipped like a coin,

You see the other half

You see the other truth.

You realize you also

Can.

 © 2020 MONICA C. VOSKAMP
Always hope. Always believe. Always love. ❤

*Photo Credit: Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash

Poetry: Shattered Mosaic

By Monica C. Voskamp

 

Broken, again

Can’t stop this vase

From shattering

How many times

How many times

Can I shatter

And rebuild?

 

Hope, don’t you dare 

Lose your hold on me

Be the super glue

That pieces me together

Every time I break

Be the peace that fills

Every crevice of

Heartbreak.

 

Love, promise me

You will be the light

That shines through my mosaic

Transform all the shattered veins

Weave them into a masterpiece

Only your power has the ability to

Create.

 

Always hope. Always believe. Always love. 💕

*Photo Credit: https://unsplash.com/@drmakete

Escape Poem: the fear of safe.

By Monica C. Voskamp

Ever want to just escape? All the emotion. All that’s hidden in you? All that’s exposed of you?

IMG_4319
A picture of me swimming under water, back when I was 20.

That’s how I felt this week. Writing about rape this week was like an emotional unlocking. Unlocking of images I wished I could hide. Memories and moments, I want to deny. People, I wish I could erase from my reality. Abuse, I wish wasn’t part of my story.

Everything in me wanted, wants to run, to hide so far away. This week I longed for the ocean, for a hiding place. I wanted to swim all by myself somewhere far away. Somewhere safe. With the men that have mistreated me, I don’t feel safe. With ordinary men, I’m afraid.

The rapist held me as I cried, and its all so skewed. Those arms have been one of few hugs, I’ve been vulnerable to and pegged wrongly as a place of safe. My heart is torn. I want to escape, but where, where O God, is safe?

 

Escape.

By Monica C. Voskamp

I can’t escape.

These emotions haunt me,

Hound me. Trap me.

Some try to drown me,

With fear.

I can’t escape,

I don’t want to admit

These harsh realities.

 

Escape.

I want so much to run away.

To the oceans edge.

Let my skin be embraced,

By water’s vast sanctuary.

It’s the place I can move

My body free.

Unhindered by the outside world,

The place I can just be

Moving in fluid harmony.

It’s the place I can linger,

The place I can breathe,

The soul of me.

 

Let cool waters soothe me,

Let silk waters clothe me,

Just let me be me.

I’ll escape the pain of reality,

And for a moment,

I’ll feel safe.

 

Escape.

I just want to escape,

This heartache.

This pain that has

Planted a cruel root

In me.

The Ocean, life’s oceans,

Call me every day.

And yet often, I stay

Away.

I’m afraid to escape,

To a beautiful place

Where I feel,

Free,  happy, and safe.

 

Escape.

What if there is no escape?

What if there is no safe?

What if like my pain,

Like my fear,

Like my tormentors,

The ocean lies to me

And says there is no such thing as

Relief.

 

Escape.

I will wrestle with you.

I will wrestle with

The need to run.

The need to stay.

The desire for free.

The desire for safe.

The fear of lies.

The fear of deceit.

 

Escape,

Can I trust you

To bring me relief

To bring me free,

Will you bring my soul,

To a place of

Safe?

 

Safe.

I can’t escape

This desire to be safe

This desire to be free

This desire is alive in me.

 

Safe.

I can’t escape,

This longing to sink

Into a moment’s longer hug

A hug where I won’t be robbed.

 

God, do you hear that?

I want to be in a hug not robbed.

Where is this place eluding me?

Because I want to feel, to find, to live

In that place.

I want to escape to,

Safe.