Poetry: Infinite Love

By Monica C. Voskamp

 

She seeks after more

More beauty,  more attention, more fame

Anything for people to look her way.

 

She strives chasing the wind

For something that can never

Be bought, gained or achieved.

 

She seeks after more

More than possible for her to give

More than possible for her to attain.

 

What is this foolishness

Girl yet not woman

Striving for more?

 

What is this atrocity

Woman of a wife

Trying to earn love?

 

Women of this planet

Beautiful souls tormented

All yearning for love.

 

dear feminine souls, listen close

Stop all the mindless chatter

Listen to truth untold.

 

Precious one of a kind you,

You matter.

Not for what you do,

Not for what you become,

Not for what you lack.

 

You simply matter

Because you are loved

The woman of you.

 

You are loved with

Such wild authenticity

Beyond what you can imagine

Beyond what you can believe.

 

This gentle power of love

Has already walked the chambers

Of your anguished soul.

Has already felt the depth

Of your pain.

 

Love already understands

All you wish to be

But all you are not.

 

Love doesn’t demand

Doesn’t ask one iota of you.

Rather she gives,  embraces

The entirety of you.

 

Women of this world,

Please listen close

You need to hear.

 

You are loved,

There is nothing more

Nothing more to the equation.

 

You are loved beyond

Every shadow of any doubt.

Embrace this truth.

 

Come enter warmth,

Release your weary body

Into the sphere of free,

No price tags, no demands

Only peaceful belonging.

 

Wild uncontainable beauty,

Fire that ignites your soul,

This is what you’re longing for,

Infinite love.

 

Where you belong

Where you are called

Is beyond human knowledge

Is beyond the fathomable.

 

Dear feminine beauties, you,

Relentless, unconditional love

Inks every letter of your name.

 

Nothing for you to do,

Nothing to stand and protest

Nothing changes the verdict.

 

Infinite love writes only truth:

You. Are. Loved.

 

Always hope. Always believe. Always love. ❤

*Photo Credit: Photo by Petr Ovralov on Unsplash

Poetry: ..the monsters limits..

By Monica C. Voskakmp

 

They were constricting.

Constricting faster than her heart could beat.

All this anxiety,

All this fear,

Constricting her very life beat.

 

Thoughts consuming,

Worries building.

Always ever only constricting her ability

To live, thrive and breathe.

 

Fear kept tightening its chains

Round her weary body.

Worry kept sucking the life light

Out of her soul.

 

What could she do with

Such masterminds of destruction?

How could she fight these

Monsters of demanding restriction?

 

She was weary of the fight,

Weary of the chase for greater things.

She trembled at the thought,

Perhaps the light of peace was a mere breathe,

Fading in the wind.

 

Chasing chasing, ever chasing a mind dream,

While constricting, constricting kept on happening.

 

No more fighting.

She couldn’t keep fighting,

this immense storm of insanity.

She could no longer deny

The monsters invading, overtaking.

 

Time to stop, look them in the eye

Tell them honestly who and what they are.

Tell them: they are NOT me.

 

They are NOT my masters.

They can only pretend, only threaten,

But their power is much less than she,

Their power is much less than she believed.

 

She tells herself anew,

I am me.

Perfectly flawed beautiful intelligent me.

I have a sunlight power to break free.

These monsters do not own me.

These monsters only can scare me

And lie that they are the king of me.

 

It’s time to stop resisting.

It’s time to start living

And working with every side of reality.

 

Monsters are real. Monsters can terrify.

But I am also a key part in reality.

I have the right to define

Who is me.

 

I’m am always me. Always me.

The life light in me remains far past the day I die,

My life light shines into eternity.

 

When I look here,

Into the hollow eyes of my monsters,

I look pointblank honestly.

And as I brave lock holding their eyes,

I find a new possibility.

My opportunity to see.

 

My limits are only what I choose to be.

My limits are only stopped by my own timidity.

My limits are really not limited.

My fears must be.

Always hope. Always believe. Always love. ❤

 

*Photo Credit: Photo by Michael Dziedzic on Unsplash

Rethinking: Push Delete on Reality

beachrelax.JPG

By Monica C. Voskamp

Do you know how many pictures I deleted when I was the ‘Big Me’? Too many. I cringe as I think of one picture summer 2012. Of course it was summer, at the beach. I had bought a workout shirt for a swim top, donned a bright pink top, and then wore my plus 20 Old Navy capris. I wore ALL that to the beach, and tried to avoid the camera.

There were a few pictures taken of me walking with my little niece and sister. I regret deleting those pictures.

I didn’t delete them because they were horrible memories (No, those are reserved for the Ex’s. 😉 )  I deleted the pictures with me because all I saw was a whale of me, fat me, detestable me. My head impulsively turns away and stomach churns at the memory.  That’s all I saw: an image I detested & was embarrassed by. It was a reflection of what I wished I literally could do to myself.

The beach day memory was great. My sister and I were helping my little niece learn to walk. We were all smiling and my niece certain wasn’t cringing at me. Odd thought, she was enjoying being with her Aunt. No judgement was there, she had adoring love and acceptance of all of me. ❤

I was commenting to my brother today it was significant to accept and embrace the beauty of where I was in the moment. It was somewhere between 248lbs and 150lbs. Maybe in the 220’s? I know…getting to the specifics here. 😉  Around then,  I started celebrating and enjoying where I was at, even though I hadn’t arrived at my ‘final destination.’

I was still in the doctor’s obese category, but I had entered a new category in my mind. The beauty of enjoying acceptance.  Of me.

Isn’t that something? Imagine if, right now, in whatever crazy painful tailspin in your life, you were able to enjoy your now in spite of that specific area. Everyone has at least one area that they desperately wish was different.  Mine has always easily been health related…but ha, I could easily make that list longer.

When I stopped striving to be somewhere I could NOT possibly be today or even next month, something happened. In fact, I didn’t know the “when”…(yes, talk about freak out mode!)

When I stopped my desperate stressing to be in an unknown future place,  I started arriving in my now.  More so, I started thriving in my now.

Yes, things were still messy and as my one friend would phrase it…a sh*tstorm. It was still raining crap. I was still flubbing up, having binge eating episodes, and huffing around in a large body. That wasn’t changing in a hurry; however, I started to celebrate my daily growth and accept me for where I was. That was, is a freedom act. It was relieving.

It is so easy, tempting to push delete on life’s difficult situations. It’s natural to want to escape the chaos. I know. Who doesn’t want to elude pain, turmoil, trauma, stress?! But, pushing delete does not make reality go away.

‘Pushing delete’ is denying reality and living in fear of the now.

If I could’ve, would’ve paused and looked at the picture a little longer, I would’ve seen more than just ME and my painful reality.  I would’ve seen my nieces delight in walking between her sister and me, her aunt. I would’ve seen her chubby little fingers clinging onto mine. I was helping a little human being learn how to walk her first steps! How awesome is that. 🙂

I could’ve acknowledged:

Yes, I’m not yet where I want to be, but in my here, there is something still valuable for me.

  At that time I wasn’t looking for more; I was tunnel-visioned into the depressing state of me.

If you are wishing you could push delete on an area in your life. It’s understandable. My hope is you acknowledge your area is there, you don’t check out and you see something of value. There is something more in your picture too.

It’s okay to not have yet arrived; you are here.

In the arriving of now, you will start thriving more. I also think this ‘arriving in the now’ prepares you to hold the greatness ahead of you.

When you don’t hit delete and allow yourself to see differently, you gain something of value. Try it and see. 🙂

Always believe. Always have hope. And most of all, always love, because love will always be. ❤

Free Bird

Relationships effect your health, holistically.  Our spirits are either crushed or nurtured. We either thrive or just get by.  I haven’t been able to describe in a few words what it’s like to be in a toxic relationship and then get out.  Free Bird is a flicker of the past and a realization of the present.

freebird

Free Bird

By Monica C. Voskamp

You tried to suck the life out of me.

You tried to trap me like a bird.

You may have stripped some feathers,

But you didn’t break me.

 

I’m free,

Free of you.

Free of your cage.

Free of your poison.

Free of your lies.

I can fly now,

I’m free.

 

I can fly now,

I believe in dreams again.

I can smile now,

I believe love does exist.

I’m not just trying to survive now,

I’m learning to thrive.

Because I left you,

Because I left your cage,

I fly free.

I am me.

 

And if you ever think of me,

Look up to the skies.

That’s where you’ll find me.

You’ll see the past is left behind.

You’ll see the new version of me

Is the best I’ve ever been.

 

No, you didn’t break me.

You helped me see,

What cripples birds like me.

You helped me discover,

Strength, courage and bravery.

You pushed me over the edge,

And that’s where I found my wings.

 

So you see I’m flying now,

Being myself,

Being beautiful,

Being me,

Free Bird.