By Monica C. Voskamp

I’m in a room so dark

I can’t find the door

I can’t even see myself

Confusion clouds my mind.

I can’t find what I’m looking for

Cause the lights have gone out.

I’m just standing on this barren floor

Not knowing which way to turn

I’ve run circles in this dark

Trying to find the door.

I’ve groped the cement walls

Countless times but still 

I haven’t found the way out.

I’m stuck here in this room

And can’t hide my

Growing frustration.

I don’t want to admit

The ways I’ve tried reach for help

Because they only banished me more

To live in the dark.

I’m lost. I’m confused.

I’m desperate. I’m impatient to get out!

Yet the door is still somewhere

So very far from me.

The room is still dark.

I just want the light to go on

I want to see clearly

And sigh with relief

 I finally know how to get out.

I want out.

I want out of this room.

How did I even get here??

My mind spins.

But my emotions clock off.

I’m too tired of this.

I want to give up.

Give up wrestling

Something I can’t see.

Give up questioning

The love of God

Give up denying

The chaotic struggle in me. 

I hate being so fake.

Yet I’m scared to stay here.

Here in this dark room

Filled with despairing fear.

Girl, don’t run so fast.

There is something here for you.

It doesn’t seem so

But there is a gift in your now.

There is a gift in this

Dark black room.

I’m tired of being strong

Can I collapse now?

Will a higher power even care

And catch me if I fall?

Will strong arms hold me

Really hold me

So I can just be?

I want to be.

I don’t care if it’s here in this room.

I just need to be me for a moment

And not worry what anyone else thinks.

I want to be the mess of me

While still being seen

Beautiful and worthy. 

I’m collapsing here

On floorboards of dark

Love, catch me now.

Please catch me now.

 © 2020 MONICA C. VOSKAMP

Always believe. Always hope. Always love. 💕

* Photo Credit: https://unsplash.com/@photologic