By Monica C. Voskamp
I’m in a room so dark
I can’t find the door
I can’t even see myself
Confusion clouds my mind.
I can’t find what I’m looking for
Cause the lights have gone out.
I’m just standing on this barren floor
Not knowing which way to turn
I’ve run circles in this dark
Trying to find the door.
I’ve groped the cement walls
Countless times but still
I haven’t found the way out.
I’m stuck here in this room
And can’t hide my
Growing frustration.
I don’t want to admit
The ways I’ve tried reach for help
Because they only banished me more
To live in the dark.
I’m lost. I’m confused.
I’m desperate. I’m impatient to get out!
Yet the door is still somewhere
So very far from me.
The room is still dark.
I just want the light to go on
I want to see clearly
And sigh with relief
I finally know how to get out.
I want out.
I want out of this room.
How did I even get here??
My mind spins.
But my emotions clock off.
I’m too tired of this.
I want to give up.
Give up wrestling
Something I can’t see.
Give up questioning
The love of God
Give up denying
The chaotic struggle in me.
I hate being so fake.
Yet I’m scared to stay here.
Here in this dark room
Filled with despairing fear.
Girl, don’t run so fast.
There is something here for you.
It doesn’t seem so
But there is a gift in your now.
There is a gift in this
Dark black room.
I’m tired of being strong
Can I collapse now?
Will a higher power even care
And catch me if I fall?
Will strong arms hold me
Really hold me
So I can just be?
I want to be.
I don’t care if it’s here in this room.
I just need to be me for a moment
And not worry what anyone else thinks.
I want to be the mess of me
While still being seen
Beautiful and worthy.
I’m collapsing here
On floorboards of dark
Love, catch me now.
Please catch me now.
© 2020 MONICA C. VOSKAMP
Always believe. Always hope. Always love. 💕
* Photo Credit: https://unsplash.com/@photologic