Poetry: Undoing Me

By Monica C. Voskamp

 

Why did I believe your lies?

Why was I tempted by your charm?

Why was I misguided by

What I thought was my lifeline?

 

I don’t know.

Or maybe I do.

I don’t see the worth of me

So I chose to see

The vision in your eyes

The words you painted

For my ears and heart

That made me feel

Like I was the only one

In the world,

Like I was so incredible.

 

I saw my worth only through you.

That was the problem.

I didn’t see I had worth as me.

So I looked to you.

 

The funny thing is,

Well really quite sad,

You don’t really see the

True worth in me.

You don’t really see me

How incredible,

How precious,

How absolutely priceless

I am.

You see me with eyes of

Greed.

 

You see what you need.

You see what you want.

You see from your heart.

You see all you can get

From all of me.

 

Simply by charming,

Simply by showing,

The misguided way

The perfect path

Meant for undoing,

You would ruin me.

 

You were a path I thought

Would lead to life.

Thank God I was stopped,

And realized it was a mirage.

The reality would’ve been painful pleasures

Living in your sweet misery.

 

I would be poisoned by your charm

And forever tied into your life.

I would lose more of me,

By giving into more of you.

You would be the drug

I could never be without,

You would be the drug,

That would absolutely ruin me.

 

I couldn’t do that.

I stopped and counted the cost.

As much as I longed

For all your pretty words to be true.

I know I can’t see my value

Through the eyes of you.

You wouldn’t take good care

Of this precious cargo.

No, you don’t realize my worth.

For if you did,

You would’ve told me differently:

Go ahead dear one,

Look in the mirror.

See you are enough

You are enough already as you.

You don’t need my guiding force.

You don’t need my domineering,

To complete you.

You already are a masterpiece,

You already are beautiful

You are precious as you.

 

But you didn’t tell me that.

You didn’t tell me my true worth.

You told me without you,

I would never be enough.

You told me only with you,

Would I always be enough.

 

Life with you dominant,

Wouldn’t be free.

Liberty isn’t found

In a world of controlling.

It may be a way of

Finding strange relief

It may be a way of

Finding bitter security

It may be a way of gaining

Pitiful pleasure,

But it isn’t the way

Of finding life giving value

Forever.

 

I couldn’t listen to you.

I couldn’t.

Because in the end,

I just knew.

I knew you would be the poison

That would drain my liberty.

You would be the one

To fully, wholeheartedly

Undo all of who I am.

 

I want to be whole.

I want to be free.

I want to live truth.

And I want to be me.

These you didn’t offer.

These are things I realized

Is what I would be

Surrendering.

 

I couldn’t give up my all,

I couldn’t give into lies

Governing me.

I just couldn’t.

 

I couldn’t because

You would undo everything

I’ve worked so hard to become,

You would undo all I already see

All beauty in me.

The woman I am now,

Would cease to be.

 

You would be the ultimate process

You would be the perfect guide

For undoing.

 

I thank God to say,

I don’t want this way.

I want to continue as me.

I want to build on as me.

I am worth so much more,

Than the slow tedious work

Of any, of all of your undoing me.

Always hope. Always believe. Always love. ❤

*Cover Photo Credits: Photo by Gwen Weustink on Unsplash

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s