Poetry: Locked in the Grey.

By Monica C. Voskamp

 

I lost my soul in another place.

The place inside me that was once sunshine

Has been taken from me.

My soul is lost in another place.

 

It’s a grey world here.

I don’t know sunshine no more.

Colors don’t exist,

In the city I reside.

I lost my soul,

And found this place.

 

Home is somewhere far away.

I am no longer there.

I’ve crossed into another realm,

That only thrives on destroying.

 

It branded me with a number.

Gave me low rank.

I had no choice

But to listen to the rules of this place.

It is the boss,

And I am the slave.

Never could I go to the portal again.

Never could I return to my soul’s place.

I am banished here,

In the Grey.

 

I remember the moment the portal closed.

As I was shunned to this realm,

I looked back and saw

my old soul stay in that place.

I cried, I begged for it not to go.

I pleaded not to leave me here.

I didn’t understand,

Why I was being locked out of

My former time and space,

Why I am now barred from

My very own soul.

 

 

Tears do nothing,

But etch more stains on my heart.

My heart now turned grey.

I have no meaning in this new place

I have lost my soul.

I have lost my soul in another place.

 

The world I once knew

Of sunshine and laughter

Of people who called my name.

This world is gone.

The place I once lived

With confidence, vibrancy

And unending dreams,

That place is gone.

 

Now I am locked out,

Locked out in the space

Of the Grey.

 

It is somewhere in between 2 worlds.

For I am neither dead,

Nor am I alive.

My soul was torn from me,

When I was banished

to the Grey.

 

The Grey,

The space where time, logic,

Feelings, and memories

Blur in and out of focus.

The place where people

Walk their skeleton shells,

With shackles, with chains,

With disgrace, with weight

Of it’s cruel misery.

 

The Grey,

I was banished to

Endure it’s barren,

It’s isolation,

It’s morbid pain.

 

I am locked out,

from my own soul.

I live in the Grey.

 

My body is inked with new names.

Despair. Anger. Sadness.

Loneliness. Shame, and Pain.

The place of the Grey

is my new home.

 

The only way to possibly escape

I was told,

Is to walk to edge of the

Grey where it touches the black wall.

 

The black gives way to

A bottomless hole.

It’s a place that would make

My existence forever disappear.

My heartbeat would cease to be.

I would no longer be a reality.

 

Every day I live here in the grey,

I walk by that pit, that wall of black.

It tempts me, to reach out my hand and touch it.

It taunts me to dare step in.

It tells me it’s what I deserve.

It tells me it’s the only way

Out of the Grey.

 

I close my eyes.

I remember the portal.

I squeeze my eyes tighter

And try envision my old soul.

I soak in the faded memory

of my soul laughing,

of colors painting my mind,

Of me planning, thriving,

Living a wonderful life.

 

I soak in the golden,

the moments I once had.

But when I blink my eyes back open,

I meet bitter reality.

I’m still here,

Locked in the Grey.

 

The portal isn’t open to me.

I don’t understand why.

I don’t understand why,

My soul was wretched away from me.

And thrust what was left

into this orb of darken grey.

 

It only rains tears here.

There is no sun.

There are even no stars.

There are no clouds.

It’s just a world of deep dark hues of grey.

You can feel its weight.

Oppression hovers deeper every day.

 

I know others have been cast away,

Through that same portal

Into the Grey.

I can’t really see them.

I just know they are here.

I wish I could reach out

And link with their arms.

I wish we could exchange a hug,

Or an understanding look of knowing,

We are both trapped in the Grey,

We have both lost our souls.

 

At least we could console each other

We aren’t here alone.

But we can’t do that.

We are each cast out,

Cast alone, under this spell.

 

We walk in the Grey,

Alone. Confused. Bewildered.

We don’t understand why

We were cut off from our souls.

All we know,

Right now, right here,

We are confined to the Grey.

 

I keep my eyes on that sealed portal.

My heart begs for it to open.

I also walk by the pit daily,

Wondering if it truly would

End my tormenting.

 

But I keep looking to the portal,

It’s the place holding my soul.

It’s the place I long to go.

It’s the place I’m meant to be,

For it holds the greatest part of ME,

My soul.

 

I keep casting helpless wishes

I breathe quiet prayers,

For someone, anyone to come.

All of us trapped in here need,

Someone strong to break the seal.

I’m holding out there is a power

Greater than this place,

A hero someday will reunite me

With my soul.

 

So this is where I am.

With my eyes on that portal,

I’m keeping watch.

I’m keeping watch,

While locked in the Grey.

 

*Photo Credit:

Always believe. Always hope. Always love will be. ❤

 

 

 

 

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