By Monica C. Voskamp
Kindness. I’ve been trying to think what it means, and looking for it in today. Thoughts on kindness kept alluding me. After work, I laid in bed for an hour trying to sleep, but feeling too much pain. I cried. I thought about this “kindness” thing. I had angry thoughts in my head: God is this KIND? If you’re kind, why did you heal a women who had 12 years of a bleeding disorder, yet I’m 12 years in with my head pain and you don’t heal me?? Why did Jesus only heal some people, God? How is that kind? Isn’t kindness for EVERYONE?
I gave up the angry hurtful questioning. Eventually the painkillers took hold, and I went for a dusk walk, in the rain. I just wanted to be alone, I couldn’t make sense of how love is kind.
I thought of myself. How I’ve treated myself has definitely not been kind. I’ve poisoned myself so many times (with binges of food) my body expanded 100 pounds too many. I’ve etched sharp blades into my skin. I’ve forced myself to throw up so much, to try get thin. It seems I sure know what love is not.
I’ve let my body be used, abused sexually. So unkind…I want to say sorry, but more to undo the pain, the shame, the damage done. Sorry can’t fix anything.
My heart freezes, sinks heavy as I think of these and other ways I’ve been unkind to my own self. I’ve let others leave bruises on me. I’ve got a bank loaded with unkind.
I’m so sorry. 😦 I think I’m sending that out into the universe…an apology that can never make all these wrongs right. It’s just some feeble offering.
What , what is love being kind?
I don’t know…but I want a bit of that kindness right now. I want the ‘kind’ I imagine. I think kind is gentle.
Kind treats beautifully, tenderly and nourishing. Kind isn’t out to hurt, to gain for its own pleasure. Kind isn’t out to punish. It’s there giving life, shining something bright into your day.
What if kind is not so much the action of a good deed, but a way? The way a person is.
Someone’s tone, touch, words, their motives… are all blooming from the root of kindness. Certain people, I’d automatically describe their person as kind and good. It holds a purity, this kindness thing.
There ARE things people purposely do just to be kind. You know, kind as in: bring a bowl of soup over, bring spring flowers, hold the door, give donations, and the benevolent acts to help this world. But, I believe there is a quiet kindness that breathes itself each day.
Kindness is not simply intentional good acts, but rather the way a person treats you, interacts with you, speaks or the way they don’t speak to you.
Kindness is really an outpouring of who a person is.
It becomes a verb associated with them. Yes, you see them do kind things, but it’s in their nature, interactions, and split second responses that kind is truly spoken. Those “smaller” things are actually pinpointing to a person who is inhabited by kindness.
I see kind is deeper than thought-out deeds. (I’m not undermining those!) Kindness envelopes those thought-out deeds AND goes beyond. It’s a second nature to someone. If you’d slap them in the face, accidentally or purposely, I don’t think they’d retaliate. That split second response would be decided by something else that is always there: kindness.
The way we respond comes from a well deeper within.
Kindness is a well. Its not just a one time bucket of water given. It’s something that is always there, always responds, and never runs dry. Love is kind.
Kindness is more than a deed and not limited to a deed. Kindness is an immeasurable ocean that will never disappoint. It is more than a one time thing or monthly gifting; it is a constant happening. Kind is both invisible yet seen.
Kind just always is. It’s like this special north star type of reality. You can count on it. You can count on the person’s interactions and motives coming from a well of kind waters, because that’s what is within.
I’m not exactly sure I DO this kindness. I *want* to be kind. I try to be kind…and I guess sometimes, I am kind without thinking. But, some days, I really don’t want to be kind. I know what I should do, but I’m sulky and selfish in my world and I forego what I’d usually give or be to someone.
So this makes me wonder. Is kindness something we just teach ourselves and strive to be? Or is it more a nature?
I believe kindness is alive, a nature.
Every body is a vessel for kindness. People have the capacity to house kindness. But every vessel can choose what they want their vessel to hold. I think that’s it: You welcome kindness in, it becomes a permanent part of you and then guides the way you are.
When you choose to house kindness, then kindness naturally emanates from you. We all have the capacity to hold and welcome in the seed of kindness. We each can open our doors to kindness, to what is love.
It’s a choice, and then it becomes an overflow.
Love is kind. I do see in my life, no matter my suffering, kindness has met and keeps meeting me.
Always believe. Always hope. Always, love will be. ❤