By Monica C. Voskamp
It has a scale. I made a simple sketch of it.
Where do you see yourself on this scale? ^^^ Trash? Royalty? Somewhere in between?
It matters. Where you see yourself on this scale is going to penetrate every area of your life.
It’s going affect how you interact in relationships, how you do business, and how you navigate through stress. How you view life and other people all ties back to how you view YOU.
How do I know? Because I know me. I know my story.
When I embarked on my healthy living journey, I realized I hated myself. I’ve worked hard to think more of myself and the ramifications have been huge! 🙂
What I didn’t realize the root belief of insignificance ran deeper than I knew. I discovered this when I encountered a few men who treated me like trash. Meeting those men made me realize I had a lot more work to do on my sense of value.
For awhile, those relationships pushed me further towards a trash value mentality. But, in the end they’ve made me pursue my significance with more determination.
When I was with those men, I began to believe the selfish, derogatory ways they treated me was normal to expect in relationships. Better was hard to comprehend, and I thought was beyond my deserving. I wasn’t believing or living in my full value.
I AM worth a better man. (Yes I know you’d all tell me that. 🙂 ) But *I* need to know this; I need to understand my rightful significance for life change.
Somehow, the deserving still scares me. I still question it. Yes, I do want a good relationship. I want a man who honors, respects and commits to me because he loves me and sees me both body & soul. Yet, I’ve been terrified of dating a man like this. I have felt undeserving of such a man and felt like I would be gypping him. Yes, this is skewed thinking. It stems from insignificance, lack of belief in myself and my actual value. It also holds a risk.
It feels like a risk to let go of what I’ve settled for and be patient for what I truly deserve and desire in a relationship. It means bypassing who will waste my time and hurt my person and believing the best it yet to come. It means vulnerability to discover honorable treatment. Mostly, it means trusting the right man can be good to me and giving him permission to do that. These are healthy risks.
There is an element of risk in stepping into any new healthy process of thought and behavior.
The thing is learning to understand the *difference* of good and bad risks. There are both.
It is easy for me to relate good risks to my physical health journey.
I had been in a familiar pattern of unhealthy and dieting way of life. I knew that turf. I didn’t know how to to do life-long healthy living even though I wanted that. I was scared to commit to something different and good; it was unknown territory (hello scary!) It held risks of failure and hard work. It also demanded my ownership to the mess I had been denying.
Even though it was the better thing, I was more motivated by insecurity, fear and pride than I was motivated to discover greater good and to tackle a positive opportunity.
Good news: I took the good risk. You can see that. 🙂
I left my safe cushion of unhealthy living for an unseen place of good. It unfolded out so much better than I could’ve imagined. Don’t ever let fear stop you from good risks!!!
Old patterns roots run deep though. I get to face this risk thing again, and yet again in my life. I’m finding it bleeds a common theme: significance.
The way you view your significance will either move or paralyze you. Your signature of significance is your pathway to either (more) fear or (more) freedom.
A few years ago, I was struggling to leave a toxic relationship. I knew I needed to, but I was having trouble leaving. My counselor told me it was because the dysfunction of the relationship held an essence of normal familiarity for me.
Sadly, dysfunction and ill treatment had become my new normal, so it felt conflicting for me to leave that.
The scary thing is this:
the comfort of dysfunctional normal and the fear of losing more than you will gain can prevent you from seeking healthy goodness.
It’s easier to stay in a dysfunctional state because of the sense of normality. It IS scary to leave your “dysfunctional normal” for a realm of different! Why? Loss happens. Change happens. Hard work is needed to create a new healthy space.
You have to let go of thoughts, behaviors, people and even places because of that unhealthiness. That right there is hard. We are creatures of habit, emotions, and connection. Change is hard. Loss is.
In both my health & relationship experiences, I was scared the loss factor outweighed the risk of leaving the dysfunctional area.
I was afraid something better wouldn’t happen and daunted by the hard work to get the place of healthy.
What helped me leave that guy was realizing I had a choice in the matter. I said, No. Sounds simple right? It wasn’t.
It’s been the hardest thing, especially with men, to say ‘No‘ and draw healthy boundaries. But here’s the thing, in saying no, I’m essentially saying: I respect myself. I know my significance. That’s powerful; that’s living from a secure base.
Embarking on a healthy living journey has been the best good risk; its exposed myself. It’s exposed lies I’ve believed. It’s shown me where I am and where I want to go…in ALL my life, not just with my physical body.
I’m learning loving me means I am significant all the time.
When I start to see myself as highly significant, I go about life a lot differently. I find confidence to pursue things I am worth.
In someways, you only proceed in life by the amount you believe in yourself. You simply will have a different approach to life and people based on how you see your value. Actually, you function from the state of your believed value.
Believing you are fully significant is essential to healthy living. It allows you to be thriving! Living in your rightful significance will redefine your life.
No matter how people treat you, your amount of significance stays loyally true: 100%. This is ALWAYS legit. Although your view of yourself may fluctuate in life, the truth of your value remains unmoved.
Believing and living in your top notch significance is the good risk you get to choose. 🙂
In my experiences, I smile because I took good risks and I’m thankful for all the people who have journeyed with me to get there! No, you don’t have to do good risks alone. The joy of living in true value is worth it, as is doing the journey with other people.
This is my pursuit, good risks, living out the full significance of who I am as a woman, as me: Monica Charity Voskamp. And I hope you are chasing, claiming the same truth reality of your full significance. 🙂